As you may or may not know, I’ve lived through a pretty abusive life, physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually, and I’ve worked a lot on clearing the trauma energy of it and recently begun to really feel how it’s shifted in a major way.
This week I’ve made a commitment to myself to begin writing my overall journey into a book and doing some writing each day.
Today was the day that I really went in depth writing about the early years, before first grade, and it became so difficult to write it that I had to stop for a while just to work with the energies coming up.
I did not know there was another deeper layer left in there and writing began to condense it. So this is really really great, triggering myself in order to clear to a deeper level.
It’s not always the most fun we’ll ever have diving deep into ourselves, yet the other side of it is simply amazing beyond imagining, more clarity, vibrational congruence and freedom and a deeper level of embodiment in the body.
Most folks live within an emotional safe zone, a filter that stops them from feeling into the depths and heights of themselves.
Years ago I was diagnosed with adult Attention Deficit Disorder (actually another word for someone who is just sensitive) and the prescribed medicine was dexedrine or speed, yet they wouldn’t prescribe it to me until after 6 months of testing to make sure that i wasn’t manic or depressive, in other words, staying inside the normal emotional box.
On a scale of 1-10 most folks like between 4-6 or possibly 3-7 and so they never dive deep into the 0-2 feelings in order to find out what is there running subconsciously. And I’m not recommending doing exactly that, it’s just that we have filters on that we normalize to and when feelings in those areas begin to surface we avoid or medicate them at all costs and never go into the depths of the feelings and work with them.
This week I’ve finally begun writing the story of my journey, which includes the story of my quadfecta of abuse, sexual, physical, mental and emotional. I’ve worked with these energies now for decades and actually felt that there was nothing more to feel that hadn’t been plumbed before.
Oh was I surprised. As I wrote the words the energy of it began to condense into a new level of density and I triggered myself and spend a couple of days just being with them as they arose.
Difficult? Yes definitely. Worth feeling? ABSOLUTELY. As you become willing to feel into the depths of shadow in you, not reject it, just feel it, accept it and love it, it transforms to a neutral energy and releases and what emerges is more of YOU as really beautiful clean energy that integrates in you. As you do this you become more adjusted to the temporary discomfort knowing that on the other side is a gloriously beautiful energy.
Don’t be afraid of delving into your depths. Don’t be afraid of your fear, it is a phantom, a smoke and mirror trick that looks to keep you in the darkness of your own shadow.
