How old is the person reading this right now?
As many of you know by now, my childhood was anything but idyllic, being filled with violence and abandonment and a complete lack of love and ever getting the love a child needs.
No complaints about the above statement, it was my incarnational choice, as is everyone’s so no blame, it just is.
That said it left a void inside me that as I grew up I always sought to fill from the outside through others.
It also meant that I never really grew up and at any point in time who know what the age of the child inside me was in control. Think your 7 year old driving the car or negotiating a contract in business, or attempting to be in a relationship with someone where you’re always looking to get your needs met through another person instead of yourself.
The reality of my life is that very seldom has the actual adult, oldest, person in me has been the one actually present, especially in relations with friends. How appropriate do you feel it would be for the 11 year old you be the one interacting with your friends when you’re actually 73?
Never forgetting our inner child is important, just not letting them run the show is equally important.
So recently through the grace of one of my best friends we had a conversation about it, (you might have also called it a come to Jeshua meeting) and talked extensively about being present enough to know the age of the person inside who is currently running the show, especially in interactions with others.
That night when I went to sleep all 72 of my inner children were present at the same time, all talking, and talking loudly attempting to be the one heard through volume. It was pretty funny listening to them.
So once they quieted down then we had a discussion that from here on out they could never ever seek the love that they so desire outside of me, never through another, and that me, the oldest adult, would always be the one present in any interactions with others.
Eventually they did agree with this and they lined up from the youngest to the oldest from the root up like nesting dolls. All the while with me knowing that these are children and they will act out as they know how to. Think of a child wanting attention from it’s parent saying mom mom mom mom over and over while the parent is otherwise engaged. They will continue to say mom mom mom mom over and over and over until the parent finally acknowledges them.
So we made some agreements about my acknowledging them and doing my very best to be present with them when needed and meet their needs also.
I’m sure this is going to be an ongoing story in the same way that it is for most of us.
